Now it's time to creep to the edge of the wuss cliff, peer over and take a long look down at the wreckage of some bands that TRIED to rock but just flat out sucked. That's why this post is titled, "THE INFAMOUS LIST OF SUCKAGE". I've got a few nominations, three of which are included here. But i'd really like to hear some of your nominations and WHY they deserve the crown of rock suckage.
TVW, you've already tagged Bon Jovi so no rehash of that position. And for the sake of consistency, because I've already covered REO Wusswagon and Poison, i'll let those previous comments stand.
So here are a few of the goody-two-shoes that gingerly tip-toed onto rock's stage and should have quickly been given the hook:
The Moody Blues -- This is a band that's fun to hate. The most pretentious band ever assembled that so desperately wants to be taken seriously.... WAY too seriously! You know you suck when one of your most famous cuts has a spoken word poem at the end. While the Moody's ALMOST redeem themselve with "I'm Just a Singer (In a Rock and Roll Band)", it's the lone cool cut in a forest of cheese. I had to actually buy the long version of "Nights in White Satin" on itunes to hear the poem. Remember this?
"Breathe deep, the gathering gloom. Watch lights fade from every room...."
and
"Impassioned lovers, wrestle as one. Lonely man cries for love, and has none."
Urp, hurl....spit, spit, cough... Yuck. Only thing they need is a mini Stonehenge and some dwarves....
Phil Collins and Genesis -- Lowest common denominator stuff for boys who want to appear sensitive and deep to girls. One of the reasons (along with Madonna) that the 80s are so easily and unfairly dismissed musically. Have you EVER seen a Phil Collins bumper sticker? Didn't think so.
At least Genesis was a little bit interesting with the weirdness of Peter Gabriel. Phil may be a great drummer, but as a singer, songwriter and band leader? And shirtless? Weak sauce. Pure suckage.
Stryper -- Just look at the picture. Not even God himself can save these guys from suckage..... One of the lamest acts of the 80s that -- again -- tried way to hard to be taken seriously.
So, there you have a few of my thoughts. Let's hear your's. Let's hear that giant sucking sound!
Go in peace....
G.O.T.
Where in the hell did you get that photo of Phil Collins - I'm laughing my ass off and want to hurl at the same time...G.O.T. FTW!!!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I agree with your choices. The only good thing Genesis has going on lately is that the song "Illegal Alien" is often used as bumper music for right-wing talk show hosts before talking about immegration reform. Gotta get your royalties from somewhere...and yeah, while "Honestly" is a sorta decent song, Stryper oozes pure Gouda.
While I normally would nominate Winger (Kip is such a rock star name!), I'm going to throw out a band who too cheesy to be included in the standard names of cheesy bands from the 80s - Manowar. So much to say, but all I know is this - I don't really need mythology and Dungeons and Dragons with my music, thank you very much.
Other obvious choices of recent are Nickelback and Creed. Creed's suckage can be discussed forever and ever. Scott Stapp - the Messiah you are not.
I know I'm going to get death threats for saying this but somebody has got to. I hate the Violent Femmes. I spent jr. high, high school and college surrounded by malcontented youth that felt this band spoke to their inner pain or some damn thing. It was all I could do to not provide an example of exterior pain so they could contrast the experience. There a hundreds of thousands of starving musicians in the world and these guys should join their ranks.
ReplyDeleteAlso on my suck-list: Crash Test Dummies. Need I elaborate?
I would like to revise and extend my remarks; Also sucking in no particular order or decade are: Men Without Hats for "Safety Dance", The Violent Femmes, Ah Ha, The Violent Femmes, Deep Blue Something, The Violente Femmes, Dennis DeYoung (But not the Rest of Styx), The Violent Femmes, Eddie Murphy, The Violent Femmes, and of course the Violent Femmes.
ReplyDeleteANd here's a fun fact about the Moody Blues that makes us all feel okay about hating on them. They were doing music for commercials before they started the band. So if their musics sounds like it was designed to sell something, it's becasue it was.
Quiet Riot, White Lion, Twisted Sister, and Loverboy. And Bon Jovi.
ReplyDeleteI keep posting and nothing shows up the next time I look.
ReplyDeleteLove Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, Loverboy and Bon Jovi. I'll give you White Lion though.
ReplyDelete"Everybodies Workin' For The Weekend" great song, and the duet with Ann Wilson was cool for a lovey dovey song. Could have done without the Mike Reno headbands, but hey he was bangin' Joan Jett so we gotta give him some credit.