What this blog is NOT about....

Well, i've been asked by a well-placed fan to do a post on Madonna, her personal favorite from the 80s. However, she also knows full well what she's in for with this. So here goes.... Apologies in advance.

First off, i'm going flat out here Brenda.... I love wheelies, but i have no intention of giving Madonna "rawk" credibility by discussing her in this blog. Her music is not rock. Instead, it is among the worst of Pop music (Michael Jackson totally kicked her firm little ass in the music and dance categories). And Pop music is not necessarily rock. And while i give nods and props to appropriately rawking Pop music, I cannot condone the use or misuse of Pop music recordings except by trained professionals. And Madonna is not one of these....

But because i made a promise, here are my thoughts on Ms. Ciccone.

10 reasons i don't like Madonna Veronica:


1. She can't sing. Her voice is really more of a helium induced squeek than a singing vocal. She sounds like she would be better leading Madonna and the Chipmunks. But not even "Dave" could get them a paying gig.... She and Cyndi Lauper are having a multi-decade race to the bottom.


2. I'm not sure real instruments play on her albums. To qualify as a legit "rawker" you should have GUITARS. And you should have a BASS. And real DRUMS. Near as I can tell, it's all keyboards and a drum machine. And if that's all you got, you should at LEAST have a great singer. So refer back to #1.


3. Despite her apologists' claims to the contrary, she is not the flag-waiving siren of feminism and the right of women everywhere to rock, to be overtly sexual and to aggressively market themselves. Yes, she has been a marketing genius, but that does not -- in itself -- qualify you as a "queen rock diva". You gotta have CHOPS for that girl -- so see #1 again. And go watch Tina Turner or Janis Joplin for serious chops. And what about Billie Holiday and her sexually suggestive stuff? Long before the "Material Hurl" starting humping the scene....badly.


4. Calling her a "marketing genius" is probably too generous, in all honesty. It's probably more accurate and appropriate to call her self-absorbed. And she has very successfully applied her narcissim to a career in Pop music. Again, that is all very different than being an Artist for the Ages. Although Axl Rose may have her beat in the self-absorbtion category, at least he could SING and he could ROCK.


5. Yes, she can dance. Sort of. So did Gene Kelly. But he was not a rocker. Skills in one set does not qualify one for classification as a leader in the other.


6. Yes, she has a great body. But the girl looks like crap in her goofy outfits. She's a clown with pointy t*ts. Seriously.

7. Yes, she is a "power" woman in a man's biz who knows what she wants and goes to get it. That's not always a good thing. See #3 above....


8. She's a horrible actress. Have you actually WATCHED her movies??


9. She invented that stupid -- i can't even describe it -- "dance" where she bends over and hops back and forth. Gimme a break. It's videos from Like A Virgin. Yeah right....Like she ever was....

10. So you adopted a kid. You want a medal for it? So have lots of people. It's a beautiful thing. But still does not qualify you to be one of the greatest Pop artists of all time, Rolling Stone. See #1 again. It's all about the voice. Unless you can write..... Think Neil Young, Van Morrison and Jimmy Buffett (who i have slammed before, but who is miles beyond Ms. Ciccone).

So, there you have it. I'll pay for it later. Would love to hear what YOU think....

Go in peace....

G.O.T.